she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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