Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
