There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
