just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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