fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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