she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
