Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
