last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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