When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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