Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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