dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
