I will die if light touches me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
