Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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