I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
