i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
