jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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