i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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