Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
