There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
