Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
