After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
