also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
