Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
