He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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