first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
