i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm sobbing to NWA
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