if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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