My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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