Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
