is your mom at the bar?
I faked an abortion last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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