He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
