I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one two three fourrrrnication!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
