peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
