Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize