youre lurking in front of me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
