these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize