your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
home. puking in laundry basket.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
