after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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