Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
