Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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