check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
