i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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