You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
