do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
