dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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