If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
