i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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