her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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