Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
