Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
