Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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