I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
