It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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