O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
