so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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