she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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