im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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