guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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