Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
