I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
