god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
