You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
