So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
