Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
