the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
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