she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I cut my penus on the lid.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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