ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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