He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
