I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
