i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
there is glitter all over my balls
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