grandma shit on top of the toilet
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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