I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
